You ask me what it is to be a submissive, and all I have to point to is Emma. I've tried to explain it through her words, but you want my own, so here they are. To be a submissive, to me, is to be completely dependant upon you for most things really, decision making, providing for me emotionally, really it's a need to be taken care of. I could do these things on my own, but I'd be even more stressed than I am usually, and probably depressed. You sort of blame Emma and Brian for me being this way, but it's not them.
Until Brian suggested it I thought I was crazy for wanting those things. I thought it was degrading and wrong for a woman to want to not be independent, yet that's what I wanted. I was confused and stressed and hated myself for what I wanted to be, yet was stressed and felt incomplete by not having it. Then I met Emma, and she clarified many things for me and for once I could talk to someone like me around my age.
For some reason you can't seem to get past the beatings, and the BDSM aspects of Emma's relationship. I've told you a hundred times that though I can relate to her in a lot of ways, that's not what I want. If you wanted to try it I'd be open to it, however, you don't and I never want you to do something you don't want to do for me. I never want you to be anything more or less than yourself. It's not an aspect of the relationship I need.
Being in a D/s relationship is what you make it, not what others have made it. I think you're slowly understanding that, but even still seem to need that clarification. There are thousands of resources telling you how to do things a thousand different ways, and you can choose to follow one, or not.
Thank you so much for being open-minded about this and for being the dom I need. I love you.