Saturday, January 19, 2008

Getting a job

I am terrified of the thought of getting a job. I worked at Party City for a while, and I think it really traumatized me. I have the need to impress people, or at the very least not disappoint people, not to mention a fear of being completely independent, and at Party City they took horrible advantage of that. I always felt degraded when I asked a question to make sure I was doing things correctly, and I was constantly lectured for being too slow and doing things wrong, even after I was only there a week. I came home and cried every night I worked, but my parents refused to let me quit no matter how much that place murdered my spirit. Thankfully, after working there for 2 months I was fired because my work schedule didn't coincide with their availability needs.

Not too long ago I got a job at GameStop. I thought it would be perfect for me since I love video games and I thought I wouldn't have to work register. I was wrong. The first day I worked there I was ok. I don't know what happened the next time I worked, but I ended up completely traumatized. Everything that happened at Party City came rushing back and I couldn't face it again. I was terrified of going back. I am an incredibly anti-confrontational person, and it took weeks for me to get up the courage to quit.

Now I am faced with a Work Study job and I'm afraid of it. Kyle is pushing me to take it, and I know he only wants what's best for me, but I'm truly terrified of working. I have to be independent, and I don't handle that well, not to mention the trauma of Party City still haunting me. I feel like a horrible sub for not being able to get up the courage to take a job, when Kyle is telling me to take it. I know he would never put me in a position that I couldn't handle intentionally, but I still can't get past my fears.

No comments: